shohag686|| 
memberPRO

04/10/2017 05:57:58
(172 weeks ago)
Ratio: 3.16
Posts: 342
  

1. A Woman Shoots Her Husband For Stepping On The Clean Floor…

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.

“I have an interesting case here,” he says. “A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”

“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.

“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”

Last edited by shohag686 at 04/10/2017 06:01:23

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shohag686|| 
memberPRO

04/10/2017 06:00:35
(172 weeks ago)
Ratio: 3.16
Posts: 342
  

2.  My Grandson Is A Smart Egg…

At the mall, my five-year-old grandson joined the other children in line waiting to sit on the Easter Bunny’s lap. When it was his turn, Jake didn’t move; he just stared.

“Don’t you want to sit on the 
bunny’s lap?” I asked.

“No!” he shouted. “There’s 
a man in his mouth!”

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shohag686|| 
memberPRO

04/10/2017 06:03:51
(172 weeks ago)
Ratio: 3.16
Posts: 342
  

3. The Key To A Good Marriage

I once gave my husband the 
silent treatment for an entire week, at the end of which he declared, “Hey, we’re getting along pretty great lately!”

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shohag686|| 
memberPRO

04/10/2017 06:08:56
(172 weeks ago)
Ratio: 3.16
Posts: 342
  

4. Jimmy Fallon asked his viewers to tweet #IGotBusted and share 
the most embarrassing times they got caught.

“I was on Facebook at work, and my boss walked up. I slammed down what I thought was my laptop screen, but it was actually my desktop 
monitor.”

“I lied and told my dad school 
was canceled. He said, ‘Let’s go see 
a movie.’ We got in the car, and he dropped me off at school.”

“I was Facebooking in church, and the usher passed by and whispered, ‘You better be texting Jesus.’”

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shohag686|| 
memberPRO

04/10/2017 06:11:24
(172 weeks ago)
Ratio: 3.16
Posts: 342
  

5. Student & Teacher

Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did 
I do on my research paper?

Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the 
sentences you apparently 
kidnapped in the dead of night 
and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interacting at a *censored*tail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn’t submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation.

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shohag686|| 
memberPRO

04/10/2017 06:13:49
(172 weeks ago)
Ratio: 3.16
Posts: 342
  

6. The Problem With New Jeans

I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.

“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.

“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my 
feelings.”

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shohag686|| 
memberPRO

04/10/2017 06:15:28
(172 weeks ago)
Ratio: 3.16
Posts: 342
  

7. This Lawyer Is Thorough...

The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?” asks the accused.

“The bad news is, your blood 
is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”

“What’s the good news?”

“Your cholesterol is 130.”

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shohag686|| 
memberPRO

04/10/2017 06:18:05
(172 weeks ago)
Ratio: 3.16
Posts: 342
  

8. One Reason To Buy A Painting

At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having 
a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist’s work. They finally went with mine.

“I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” I said.

“No,” said the boy. “Your painting’s wider, so it’ll cover three holes in 
our wall.”

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shohag686|| 
memberPRO

04/10/2017 06:19:45
(172 weeks ago)
Ratio: 3.16
Posts: 342
  

9. On Child Naming

The cool part about naming 
your kid is you don’t have to add 
six numbers to make sure the name 
is available.

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shohag686|| 
memberPRO

04/10/2017 06:22:04
(172 weeks ago)
Ratio: 3.16
Posts: 342
  

10. Texting

Texting acronyms can stump even the best parents:

Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.

Son: Why is that funny?

Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?

Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.

Mom: I thought it meant Lots 
of Love. I have to call everyone back.

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