All Embracing Jokes!
Post #1
towhid058|| 
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20/10/2017 17:36:19
(170 weeks ago)
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Loving Wife

Harry bought his new colleague, Hugo, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door, his wife rushed up, threw her arms around Harry and kissed him passionately.

"My goodness," said Hugo, "and how long have you been married?"

"22 years", replied Harry.

"You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years."

"Don't be fooled! She only does it to make the dog jealous."

Last edited by towhid058 at 20/10/2017 18:24:08

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Post #2
towhid058|| 
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20/10/2017 18:25:36
(170 weeks ago)
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Career Advice

A guy meets a childhood pal. "What are you doing for yourself these days?"

"I'm a fireman," his old friend replies.

"Yeah? My 15-year-old kid wants to be a fireman," says the guy.

"Well," says his friend, "if you want some good advice, you've got to install a pole in your house that will go to the ba*censored*t so your kid can practice, because the hardest thing for a fireman is to jump off into space and catch that pole in the middle of the night."
Ten years later, the two guys happen to meet again.

"Well, did your son become a fireman?"

"No," moans the guy, "but my daughter is a stripper."

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Last edited by towhid058 at 20/10/2017 18:26:12

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Post #3
towhid058|| 
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21/10/2017 07:56:26
(170 weeks ago)
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A Free Haircut

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. he placed the boy in the chair.

"I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
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Post #4
towhid058|| 
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21/10/2017 13:03:49
(170 weeks ago)
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Wedding Gift!!!

Towards the end of a wedding, the bride's father approached the groom and said, "Son, I received your last minute WhatsApp message asking me for your wedding gift. I found your request a bit strange, but I have to fulfill your wish regardless. Here's the packet of Four Underwear you asked for."

The groom was startled, then looked at his message again... In a rage, he smashed his iPhone on the floor...

"Bloody Autocorrect! It was supposed to be *Ford Endeavour*'!!"  angel.gif

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Post #5
towhid058|| 
Members

21/10/2017 13:05:21
(170 weeks ago)
Ratio: 5.33
Posts: 894
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Naming The Baby

When Little Johnny's mother found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen.

But Little Johnny overheard some of his parents' private conversations.

One day, when Johnny and his mother were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

"Yes!" Johnny answered, "and I know what we're gonna name it, too.

If it's a girl, we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits!

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Post #6
towhid058|| 
Members

21/10/2017 18:24:27
(170 weeks ago)
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Have Faith...


A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock.

"HELP! IS THERE ANYBODY UP THERE?" he shouted.

A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:
"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."

"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.

"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.

There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "IS THERE ANYONE ELSE UP THERE I COULD TALK TO?"

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Post #7
towhid058|| 
Members

21/10/2017 18:26:38
(170 weeks ago)
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Bird Calls

One evening an avid bird watcher stood in his backyard and heard an owl hoot. So he thought he'd give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred.

All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in inter species communication, his wife, had a chat with her next door neighbor.

"My husband spends his nights calling to owls," the wife commented.

"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband."

Then it dawned on them...

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Post #8
towhid058|| 
Members

21/10/2017 18:27:41
(170 weeks ago)
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Imaginary Enemy


During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response.

"You there," the sergeant shouts, "the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire. Action!"

The recruit takes ten steps to one side.

"What are you doing, man?" Yells the sergeant, purple with fury.

"I'm taking shelter behind an imaginary hill, Sergeant," answers the recruit calmly.

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Post #9
towhid058|| 
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21/10/2017 18:29:39
(170 weeks ago)
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The Capsized Boat

At a boat rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up."

Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return.

"Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime."

"Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99."

The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega-phone.

"Boat number 66!" he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?"

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Post #10
towhid058|| 
Members

21/10/2017 18:30:51
(170 weeks ago)
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Question From Law Exam


Q. A woman was driving an old Honda City car when she mistakenly hit a 2017 Range Rover Evoke.

The lady came out from her Range Rover insulting the other lady for not being careful, asking her to repair her Range Rover.

The woman with the Honda City called her husband, he replied that he was busy, that she should try fix up things and that they will meet later at home.

The lady with the Range Rover called her boyfriend and said "Sweetheart someone just hit the birthday gift you gave me, I am so angry, please come over."

Few minutes later her boyfriend arrived. He is the husband to the lady with the Honda City car.

Discuss the possible legal consequences for all 3 parties... (20 Marks).

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Last edited by towhid058 at 21/10/2017 18:39:07

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